why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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