I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
