after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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