I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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