What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
