oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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