clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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