Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
