DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
