yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
