You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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