yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
