I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
