...so i touched it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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