he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
