im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
