She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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