k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
