If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
