imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
