Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
