you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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