I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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