well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize