I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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