No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
