I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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