I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize