We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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