I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
