Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize