I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
