i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
