if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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