I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize