By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
