everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
