tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
