I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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