I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
