my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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