So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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