woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
