You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize