Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
