highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
