I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
