no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
