The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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