watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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