I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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