You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
