my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
