So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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