i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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