True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
