you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
