im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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