GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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