No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize