Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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