I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
