Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
