Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
pop tarts are not kleenex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
