hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I haven't been this sober since birth.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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