he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize