i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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