I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
