You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
