Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
