i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
