if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
