There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
