She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
