drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
