haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
