I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
