Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
