You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
