sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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