Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
