You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize