Im at strip club and am horny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
