hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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