turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
