Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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