dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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