at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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