also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
