do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
