The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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