she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
