my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
