some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
