Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do vagina's smell?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
