Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
