I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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