I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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