So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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