just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
