I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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