It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
