my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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