Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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