That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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