highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
