I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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