We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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