you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
