Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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