i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this will be a night to untag.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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