it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
