I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
