it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
