i just had sex bonerless
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
